At truly nasty bruise was forming by the time the kids and I got home. What made it especially hideous, yet strangely wondrous, was the perfect imprint of Jaiden's skate wheel on my right buttock, like a crater left by a speeding meteorite. It was complete right down to the indentations left by the little lug nuts used to tighten the wheels. As the weeks wore on, I outclassed any orangutan you've ever seen at the zoo or on Wild Kingdom with the magnificence of my swollen and multi-colored butt. A constantly changing kaleidoscopic palette of scarlets, violets, lavenders, magentas, grays, greens, and yellows graced my cratered patootie.
Now for the geography part.
Picture a map of the western United States as my behind. Now picture the states of California, Nevada, Arizona, Utah, Colorado, New Mexico, Texas, Oklahoma, Missouri, Arkansas, and Louisiana. That was the bruise!
Can I just say, "Ouch!"
This post originally appeared in a slightly different form in my blog "Plumpfeet Wonders."
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